raistlinagain

I'd started reading an abstract painting book and tried out some of the ideas. This is my first result which was far beyond what I had expected. In learning the technical skills of a painter, I must not lose the emotive, expressive aspects of it which drew me into painting in the first place. I still don't know where to go with this though. The colors are excellent, but it looks flat somewhat.

After a lot of hesitation, I'd managed to start work on portraits (front perspective) again. This time, I sketched from an actual picture in real life and later scanned my rough sketch in. Later, I just used gaussian blur and the other smoothing tools to get the transitions and lighten and darken for most of the details.

I just need to add colors, details and hair and I can have my first semi-realistic painting. That said, I've come to appreciate that the past efforts, though not yielding realism, did help me a great deal in learning and are nice in their own right. Below are the real life sketch and the one touched up by artweaver.




Edit: The sketch could not upload for some reason. Anyway, I should avoid using lined papers for reference sketches in the future or at least those sketches which I intend to upload for further work. A sketchbook or jotterbook should be used instead.

Tried to enlarge the nose, but it lost its symmetry. I MUST practice with reference from now on.

Apart from hair, eyebrow and eyelashes, I believe that I've the basics of the other features of the face. Unfortunately, I'm still very, very far away from where I wish to be, but at least there's a surprising amount of progress. I cant tell though if I'm biased against my own work.

My conversations with hippie did not yield anything really substantial though he affirmed that I should do studies before a full composition. He was also rather distant perhaps due to the time out of contact or more likely due to his own difficulties with school. If I am to attain any measure of success in my pursuits, then I must rely solely on my own self. Of course, others have claimed much the same, but for me, this is wholly true as I have essentially no friends (having lost contact). My path is a sojourn and a lonely one at that. I suppose a little like Frodo going alone to Mount Doom and instead of the Fellowship of the Ring, he finds himself undertaking a solo quest.

This has always been the way of others like me in the past. Under-resourced, living on the fringe and frustrated with our own lack of progress most of the time. Still I must press onwards and focus on my studies. To that end, I have resolved to work mainly with pencil and paper on numerous studies until a full composition is achieved *on paper* before attempting to go digital. Perhaps I should work at the library.

As usual though, my insomnia plagues me and I'm unable to sleep at night. But soon... very soon...

In our age, refinement of the senses is unlikely if only for reason of self-protection. Information bombards us from every angle and sensitivity or even sensibility can cause an overload of the intellect. As Da Vinci once remarked: "The greater the sensibility, the greater the suffering... much suffering". And indeed this I find to be true.

I find now that my sense of time is often askew and unreliable. Though I can accurately sense the time of day without need of a clock, memories of the distant past, the recent past and simply yesterday seem to merge together. Perhaps my lack of sleep is catching up to me or more likely.. I'm not sure.

I'm also uncertain where I am with art. There are times where my paintings are on the verge of photorealism and yet there are those days and weeks where it seems the best I can muster are some drawings barely better than stickmen. I once read an artist's blog. In it, he advised that all beginning artists who strive will find a point in time where they cannot really tell their improvement and instead focus on their flaws. As they improve, so too will their discerning eyes and hence, they will spot their own mistakes much more readily and give themselves the impression that they are not improving even as they get better.

I can only hope that what this person says is true as my ability is still very unreliable. However, I'm starting to see the visions that I seek. A sparkle of images that shows that my cognitive brain is processing visual input. Unfortunately though, those moments are exceedingly rare and not as intense as I had hoped. But it's a start I suppose.

To clarify my doubts and misgivings, I have decided to contact an old online friend (Anerky/Hippiechild) to discuss the matter with him. He is a far more accomplished artist than I am and should be able to offer valuable insights. As for my real life friends, Hong Jinn and a few others occasionally play soccer with me but that is about it.

There are many other issues that I wish to note here but of utmost importance and the only one I shall record further for now is that of my dabblings in art. If all goes well with my latest dabblings, I will post a sample of my work and perchance progress. Until then, take care my non-existent reader.

It's strange. But as I live on the fringes of society, I have become almost a ghost. I become somewhat surprised whenever anyone actually addresses or communicates with me in any way. And the first assumption when someone actually tries is that it is either a bot or a person advertising something. The second assumption should the first is untrue would be that the person needs my help in some way.

The times when just my company is sought is almost negligible these days. As I struggle here in the darkness learning the rudiments of art that many young children have understood easily, I cannot help but feel a sense of futility and despair. For even as I write these words, I know almost with certainty that none would even read these words. Any comments given would either be to mock me or such. But I flatter myself. It's likely that the only reply will be from bots or no reply at all.

My friends have moved on while I stay here in limbo. Can I even still call them my friends? Perhaps life is indeed like sailing in the seas where those whom I once knew were mostly on safe shores or tranquil waves. Whilst I cling on driftwood and watch the beauty of the sunsets that others pass by. In stormy seas do I seem doomed to wander forever.

Still must I persist despite the circumstances and my own lack of talents or skills. Perhaps I am destined to be an eternal wanderer.

I have learned sufficiently to produce this without any reference. I still lack the knowledge to render a lot of things properly though... but at least it looks like a face now which is far more than I can say for my earlier attempts.

A friend was kind enough to lend me his tablet and this was made using that tablet. I was actually more hampered by my inability to use the software and hardware more than my lack of anatomical knowledge. Artrage was used here partly. It's more intuitive but seems to have less features than artweaver.


The nightly horrors who revel in darkness
Who prey on innocents and thus grow heedless
Of the wanderer who shows no fear nor favor
And by morning's dew, slew both demon and monster


2WB, Creature - Avatar, 2/3

Hexproof, vigilance, double strike
WB: Regenerate

Despite various setbacks, I realized now that I can do simple drawings if I can observe the subject. I will need to get an art file though as some of my better pieces were lost due to being disorganized. Perhaps I will also upload some of them here. It's important for me now to learn systematically the various branches of knowledge. Human anatomy is particularly useful, but I'm having a lot of difficulty with it.